Practice Win-Win when dealing with your kids.

010613_1816_PracticeWin2.jpgPractice Win-Win when dealing with your kids.

Moms are always telling their children what to do and how to do it. Mothers know best! In a perfect world, our children would just listen intently to every word of wisdom that we give them, and they would follow every direction we gave them. If they listened to us, we could prevent their heartaches and headaches.

 
We tell our children what to do, and what not to do, because we, as adults have had more experiences, and we have learned what happens when we do, or do not do, certain things. We, as adults, understand what consequences are. Yet we would like to shelter our own children from experiencing consequences. Why should they have to go through what we went through? We can prevent it! We can shelter them, shield them and protect them by telling them what they should do.

 
As much as we would like to keep our children in a bubble of perfectness, we as Mom’s need to start thinking about helping our children progress and learn independence through other means.

 
Our job as parents is to help our children learn to be independent of us…how to thrive on their own (not really what we moms had in mind… won’t they always need us?). By focusing on making their choices for them (telling them what to do), we end up protecting them. This soothes our motherly souls, but can cause tension between parents and children and is not a great long term solution.

 
Children need to learn the value of a consequence. “If I do this, then this will happen”. Instead of focusing on telling your kids what to do, focus on helping them learn about results.

 
Let’s look at an example. It is a freezing cold day, and you need to get your 5 year old to kindergarten on time, and you are already running a bit behind schedule already. Your 5 year old is amazing, sweet, and stubborn, and refuses to put their jacket on. You spend 5 minutes explaining to your child how cold it is outside and that they will surely freeze to death if they do not put their jacket on. Your child spends that 5 minutes screaming “no” to you. In the end, you wrestle your child into that jacket and there are a lot of tears and the stress level is high. But you have won! Your sweet angel has that jacket on, and you know that they are protected and warm. Your child is sobbing and upset that you would not listen to them! But you know what is best for them…your child needs to listen to you.

 
Let’s look at another way of handling this. Instead of arguing with your child, allow them to experience a consequence. You have told your child once calmly that it is very cold outside and that they need to put their jacket on (be sure you make eye contact with them, get down to their level to ensure that they really hear you…their brains process things quickly and they may have a hard time focusing). When they refuse to put their jacket on, simply say “okay, that is your decision not to put your jacket on”. Then proceed to leave as usual. It won’t take long until they complain about how cold they are. In this situation, you will have brought their jacket with you, and when they complain about the cold, you will put it on them, and say something like “thank goodness for nice, warm jackets! Next time, let’s try putting your jacket on before you get too cold.”

 
In the second example, both Mom and child are less frustrated. Of course, Mom is still worried about her child, but she would never allow her child to be in a situation that was unsafe. Mom knew that this would be a good learning experience for her child. The child now knows that if they go outside without a jacket, they will be very cold, therefore they need to put their jacket on before.

 
Your child may also learn over time that what you are telling them is actually true. (“My mom did say that it was going to be freezing cold without my jacket, and it was. Perhaps I should listen to my mom next time!”). No one wants to be told what to do. It can be hard to rationalize with a 2 year old (or a 5 year old, or a 13 year old, or a 40 year old!)

 
Everyone learns more deeply when they have an opportunity to experience it themselves.

 
Reduce your own stress, and theirs, by breaking down the walls of protection. Let them make choices, and allow them to deal with the consequences of those choices and actions, and you will immediately create a more positive and respectful relationship.

 
You are an amazing Mom! Be sure to reward yourself today… Buy yourself some flowers, or give yourself 20 minutes of free time for a bath, shower, or to read a good book. You deserve to feel like a queen for 20 minutes every day. Go GIRL!
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Tina O’Connor, BsC Psych.
President & CEO
www.bethatgirlnow.com
twitter.com/BeThatBooksfacebook.com/BeThatGirl.SimpleStepsToHappiness

How Can I Deal with Stress? Do Some Spring Cleaning.

Well, it’s Spring. Time for Spring Cleaning. We all think about cleaning out our closets and clearing the clutter in our homes when it’s Spring. But what about the vessel that houses our soul? It’s time to Spring Clean your body! No matter who you are, where you live, or how you live, your body is exposed to toxins everyday.

Take some time this week to assist your body with eliminating some of the “clutter” that it has collected through the winter, and do a little detoxification program. Below are some things you can easily do for 1 to 2 weeks to help cleanse your body in time for spring. All of these things will also help you create that perfect swimsuit body just in time for summer! Commit to at least 1 week of at least 1 item listed below. If you want to go longer, by all means do! The longer the healthier!

  • Drink 8 Glasses of water or herbal tea per day. Actually keep a tally. This is one of the most effective ways to give your body a boost!
  • Change your diet. Focus on eating only fiber rich foods. Great sources of fiber include oatmeal, flax (super grain!), apples, oranges, pears, strawberries, blueberries, whole wheat, whole whole grains (brown rice), nuts, celery, carrots, broccoli, green, leafy vegetables (lettuce, kale), grapes, cucumbers, tomatoes, lentils. OK, so more fruits and vegetables and whole grains! Eat smaller portions of meat and dairy.
  • Omit sugar from your diet. (It’s only 1 week!)
  • Omit Alcohol. (I know, I know. Food tastes better with wine! It’s just a week…give your liver a break!)
  • Quit smoking. OK, this one needs to go on for the rest of your life, but start with committing to a week. Allen Carr’s Easyway to Stop Smoking can do the trick!
  • Eliminate deep fried foods completely.
  • Try an herbal detox program that can be purchased from your local health food store. These kits assist with the elimination and cleaning of the most important home you have… your body! Ask the staff to recommend one based on the results you want.
  • Do 20 minutes of yoga everyday. Simple yoga poses effectively help to eliminate toxins and keep you calm, focused and flexible. Be sure to drink lots of water afterwards.
  • Get a massage! Massages also help to release toxins from their long term storage bins. Again, drink tonnes of water to help eliminate them so they are not reabsorbed. Perhaps a massage swap with someone close to you? Ooooh, detoxing can be amusing also!

Please note that you may experience flu like symptoms, like headaches and a decrease in energy for the first few days of any “detox” program. This is a result of a large amount of toxins being released into your body. Be sure to eat tonnes of fiber and drink lots of water to  help eliminate those toxins and avoid them being reabsorbed back into the body. I was recently looking for a fiber rich cereal when I noticed one called ‘Holy Crap‘. I had seen it on Dragon’s Den and was excited to see it on the shelves of my grocery store! I bought it and it tastes fantastic. Does it live up to it’s name? I am on day 1, so I’ll let you know! Enjoy your week or 2 of spring cleaning. Namaste.

Hide-and-Seek

Look at your life, and what you have created around you. Somewhere in your life there is a place that has the ability to heal you, and propel you. This place was designed by you, for you. No matter what your circumstance is right now, that space is there waiting for you. It is right there for the taking, but its power may be invisible to you. Your job is to find that place now, and use it.

For me, the front porch of our home has turned into my sanctuary. When I sit there, I feel totally at peace with myself, and with the Universe. I feel calm and my mind is clear. After 5 or 10 minutes in this space, I always feel rejuvenated and refreshed. If I am feeling emotional, this space allows me to feel those feelings intensely, while encouraging me to let go of those feelings fairly quickly. In this space, I can dream easily of where I want to be because my mind is quiet and free. Taking 5 or 10 minutes each day to focus on your dreams in the most important time you can give yourself, and it will create the largest results. Focusing on the result is the key. The “getting there” will happen if you focus on the goal.

Your goal is to find your sweet spot. Wherever that spot is for you. You will know it is right by how you feel when you are there…calm and free. Ask the Universe out loud to help you find your sweet spot, and you will be amazed at what is revealed. The spot is there…it is waiting for you. Change your life by finding it and then physically force yourself there as often as you can. Clear your mind of the daily grind and open up your soul to your dreams. Help yourself dream more easily and start creating more quickly. You will also rapidly increase your health just by taking 5 minutes each day to breath and let the thoughts of the day go. A game of hide-and-seek has begun. Report back to me at tina@bethatgirlnow.com!

Get Dirty!

Getting dirty can be a lot of fun…

I took some time today to clean the leaves and dead stuff out of my over-sized garden in preparation for my garden this year. It was perfect. My girls played on the swings and then dug huge holes in my garden and made mud pies, complete with real live worms, while I had the pleasure of “cleaning” my garden. I am not an experienced gardener, but not knowing something has never stopped me before!

Just touching the earth with my hands today made me appreciate where my food comes from…not the grocery store, but the garden or farm that makes my grocery store food possible.  Gardening is a lot of work, but it is something I feel passionate about, and it is an activity that calms my mind and nurtures my soul.

Often, we justify doing activities we enjoy by stating how much money or time these activities will save us. Gardening is never going to save me money or time in the end, but it does make me feel happy. I kind of like getting dirty…it makes me feel like such a rebel!

This week, I am encouraging you to get dirty in your life! Find an activity that you enjoy doing, and do it without justifying anything but the fact that it makes you happy. You are accountable to you, first and foremost. Make yourself happy and everything else will follow.  Namaste.

Slow it down.

Today’s Inspiration is from a classic Eagles song…
 
“Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind!”
 
Make sure you slow things down a little and enjoy the things that are happening, and the things that you have, right now. Plan for the future, and work towards your dreams but realize that NOW is what you have, and NOW is the perfect time to enjoy what you have. Don’t lose your mind in the fast lane. Breathe, Relax, appreciate, enjoy, and have a little fun. Namaste.

You can’t force it.

There will be times in your life when you are desperate for answers, or desperate for something to change, or happen. First, you need to write down what it is you need or want. Then, ask the Universe out loud for what you need. Lastly, take action to get what you need and want, but try not to force it. Everything will come, but it will take time.

The Beatles sum up this important point in one of their songs…
“There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be”

If you have asked for it, and put things into place to get it, just let it be. Take a breath, relax and feel good that it is all on its way. Let the feelings of frustration and impatience go, and embrace a confident, calm, secure feeling. Trust the Universe. It’s got you covered. Namaste.

Something to consider.

Something to consider. Is what you have right now really what you want?
 
If you answered yes, then get excited and be happy and enjoy every moment. Strive every day to maintain, and get more, of what you have. You must nurture what you have to be able to keep it.
 
If you answered no, then get excited and be happy because you have the power to change it! Stop embracing the comfortable, and start embracing change. You can have what you want, but you need to do something different. Remember that thinking about doing it is way more painful than actually doing it. So just do it!
 
Have a wonderful week!

Be Prepared for Monday.

What causes stress? Anxieties about time management. How will you get it all done? Alleviate stress and be more prepared, calm and excited about your week by doing a few simple things each day. Here are some simple tips to help you get more efficient, and feel more prepared, quick.

  • If you have not done so already, you need to keep an agenda or binder that accurately shows your time. I was taught by one of my coaches to use an agenda with one day on each page, and to use my own hand to write in it (versus typing everything into a computer). Writing with your own hand is very powerful. You can print daily calendar sheets from Outlook and keep them in a binder if you are anxious to get started right now.
  • Write down everything that you need to do each day in the appropriate time slots, and then include the stuff you want to do (there is a difference). Need: get groceries. Want: go to yoga class. Although I could see myself arguing for need on the yoga class…
  • Use the notes section to write down all of the projects that you are working on, or tasks that need completing. Things like “book dentist appt” or “finish writing article for yoga journal” or “look up easy easter crafts to keep my kids busy, and me sane, while they are on Easter break”.
  • Cross off tasks as you complete them, or put check marks beside them. Do what feels right for you. If you do not complete a task on the day you had it written on, just keep moving it forward to future days. Eventually you will do it. When things come up suddenly, you will need to assess how to prioritize it based on everything else you have going on. Only make changes to your existing schedule if what comes up is an absolute emergency, or is something of extreme importance to you. You may be able to tackle it the next day, so do your best to stay focused on your original plan. But be sure to write everything down as it comes up so you never forget a thing.
  • Look at your week and see where the tasks you need to complete might best fit in. If you drop your kids off right by a registry office, perhaps you can squeeze in your vehicle registration renewal when you drop them off, then get groceries, pick up your mail, and get the coffee that you earned. Work smart, not hard. There is always time to do what you need to do, but you need to plan for it.
  •  Every day, at the end of the day, review your day, and then look at the next day. Create a plan in your mind of what you would like to get done based on the time you have, and then write that down. Seeing your next day all laid out for you can really ease the anxieties of a busy lifestyle. It is easy to feel overwhelmed with everything you need to do, but when you see it all written down, you will know that it is achievable.
  • On Sundays, review your week, and plan everything accordingly. You will sleep much better on Sunday night knowing that you have a plan that is scheduled to suit your needs.

Allow for some flexibility in your schedule, but if you want to take on the world, you have got to be accountable to yourself and your schedule. Plan it, then do it! You have full control over your time, and your stress.

Happy Monday!

Get Efficient.

Do what you are good at, and what you enjoy, and ask for help with all the other stuff. Experience true efficiency.

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate Kelly Domonceaux! She won my door prize draw for a Complimentary Hair Cut and 3 bottles of eufora organic hair care products. Now this is not just any haircut.  It is compliments of  my own personal hairdresser, Marissa Sullivan, at Suburbian Hair. Located in Hanson Ranch in NW Calgary, Marissa offers boutique styling and specializes in personalized service. For those of you who are not as lucky as Kelly, feel free to call Marissa at 403-731-1233 to make an appointment.

I always have FREE stuff to give away at my signings, so make sure you come out and see me.

Happy Hump Day!

Hold on tight.

Some songs just seem to give you what you need when you need it.

Electric Light Orchestra was singing right to me the other day…

Hold on tight to your dream
When you see your ship go sailing
When you feel your heart is breaking
Hold tight to your dream


And now I cannot get it out of my head. It is important to create a dream in your head. Visualize that dream and then never, ever let go of it. Things may not always go the way that you thought they would, but you will still end up with the results you want…if you can “hold on tight to your dream!”

See where you want to go and then have a little faith in the process. It matters not how you get there, only that you end up getting there. So enjoy the adventure, and the unknowns, that life gives you. The unknown will only be an unknown for a little longer. Clever advice from my mom, Janet Legere.

Dream big and then never let that dream fade or be taken from you. You are in control, even when you tell yourself you’re not.

It’s TGIWWW (Wicked Women’s Wednesday) tomorrow…and I am looking forward to my standing Wednesday lunch with my mom and my sister. We are coming into our fourth year of choosing to spend Wednesday afternoons together! And even after all these years, the time always goes too quickly on Wednesdays.

Thanks for choosing to read my inspirations. You ROCK!