Practice Win-Win when dealing with your kids.

010613_1816_PracticeWin2.jpgPractice Win-Win when dealing with your kids.

Moms are always telling their children what to do and how to do it. Mothers know best! In a perfect world, our children would just listen intently to every word of wisdom that we give them, and they would follow every direction we gave them. If they listened to us, we could prevent their heartaches and headaches.

 
We tell our children what to do, and what not to do, because we, as adults have had more experiences, and we have learned what happens when we do, or do not do, certain things. We, as adults, understand what consequences are. Yet we would like to shelter our own children from experiencing consequences. Why should they have to go through what we went through? We can prevent it! We can shelter them, shield them and protect them by telling them what they should do.

 
As much as we would like to keep our children in a bubble of perfectness, we as Mom’s need to start thinking about helping our children progress and learn independence through other means.

 
Our job as parents is to help our children learn to be independent of us…how to thrive on their own (not really what we moms had in mind… won’t they always need us?). By focusing on making their choices for them (telling them what to do), we end up protecting them. This soothes our motherly souls, but can cause tension between parents and children and is not a great long term solution.

 
Children need to learn the value of a consequence. “If I do this, then this will happen”. Instead of focusing on telling your kids what to do, focus on helping them learn about results.

 
Let’s look at an example. It is a freezing cold day, and you need to get your 5 year old to kindergarten on time, and you are already running a bit behind schedule already. Your 5 year old is amazing, sweet, and stubborn, and refuses to put their jacket on. You spend 5 minutes explaining to your child how cold it is outside and that they will surely freeze to death if they do not put their jacket on. Your child spends that 5 minutes screaming “no” to you. In the end, you wrestle your child into that jacket and there are a lot of tears and the stress level is high. But you have won! Your sweet angel has that jacket on, and you know that they are protected and warm. Your child is sobbing and upset that you would not listen to them! But you know what is best for them…your child needs to listen to you.

 
Let’s look at another way of handling this. Instead of arguing with your child, allow them to experience a consequence. You have told your child once calmly that it is very cold outside and that they need to put their jacket on (be sure you make eye contact with them, get down to their level to ensure that they really hear you…their brains process things quickly and they may have a hard time focusing). When they refuse to put their jacket on, simply say “okay, that is your decision not to put your jacket on”. Then proceed to leave as usual. It won’t take long until they complain about how cold they are. In this situation, you will have brought their jacket with you, and when they complain about the cold, you will put it on them, and say something like “thank goodness for nice, warm jackets! Next time, let’s try putting your jacket on before you get too cold.”

 
In the second example, both Mom and child are less frustrated. Of course, Mom is still worried about her child, but she would never allow her child to be in a situation that was unsafe. Mom knew that this would be a good learning experience for her child. The child now knows that if they go outside without a jacket, they will be very cold, therefore they need to put their jacket on before.

 
Your child may also learn over time that what you are telling them is actually true. (“My mom did say that it was going to be freezing cold without my jacket, and it was. Perhaps I should listen to my mom next time!”). No one wants to be told what to do. It can be hard to rationalize with a 2 year old (or a 5 year old, or a 13 year old, or a 40 year old!)

 
Everyone learns more deeply when they have an opportunity to experience it themselves.

 
Reduce your own stress, and theirs, by breaking down the walls of protection. Let them make choices, and allow them to deal with the consequences of those choices and actions, and you will immediately create a more positive and respectful relationship.

 
You are an amazing Mom! Be sure to reward yourself today… Buy yourself some flowers, or give yourself 20 minutes of free time for a bath, shower, or to read a good book. You deserve to feel like a queen for 20 minutes every day. Go GIRL!
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Tina O’Connor, BsC Psych.
President & CEO
www.bethatgirlnow.com
twitter.com/BeThatBooksfacebook.com/BeThatGirl.SimpleStepsToHappiness

8 Laws to Success from Be That Girl!

8 Amazing ways to Kick Start your Success.

Be more successful and GET MORE out of your life with these simple, tried and true techniques that will actually help you get better results!  I use these strategies every day to continuously create the life of my dreams. Do as I do, and you’ll start feeling more amazing about your life today!  

  1. Get a Life Coach. My Coach helped me discover how to love myself more and how to talk better to myself. This is a must for anyone, especially the people who do not think they need it. I used to ‘Be That Person’, and I am much happier with the person I have evolved into because of the life coaching process. I always recommend Tools to Life…it’s FREE and totally life changing!
  2. Write it down…period. Write everything with your own hand using pen (pencil) and paper. Write down your dreams, your goals, your successes, your to-do lists, your grocery lists, your thoughts and your feelings. Kick start your success with writing!
  3. How are you defining yourself? You are the person you are today because you are defining yourself that way. You are beautiful, sexy, successful, calm and amazing because you tell yourself that you are these things. Don’t be modest…you are incredible and you should feel great about that! You have full control over who you are. Know with everything in your body that you can RE-define yourself into whoever you want to be right now, and you will do it. See That Girl and then Be That Girl!
  4. Prioritize! What makes you successful…how will you know when you have succeeded? What do you truly want? You can have it all, but you have to know what all is! When you have absolute clarity about what you want, you will be able to prioritize everything around that. It will become easier to make choices about how you spend your time and your resources when you are focused. NB: Your priorities and wants will change all the time. Be sure you are checking in with yourself every 6 months to ensure that your priorities are in line with what you want. Be selfish. This is YOUR life.
  5. Be Organized! Clear your mind and allow for an influx of positivity by cleansing your external surroundings. Keep your spaces tidy and organized, and you will feel at ease when you approach new tasks. Plan to organize for 15 minutes. Set a timer and be done when it goes off. Think about leaving every space in the “ready” position. It is so easy to prepare a healthy, meal when the kitchen is clean and you have planned your supper. Bedrooms are more relaxing and inviting when they are neat and the bed is made, and tidy offices will always be more efficient. Break your attachment to things. Simplify as much as possible. Ensure that everything has a place and it will make it easier to put things away, even for children. If you do not have a place for something, you must either get rid of something else, or get rid of that item. Be ruthless with yourself. Your mind will thank you.
  6. Just do it! And do it NOW! Thinking about doing something is always much more intense than just actually doing it. So, don’t think too much…just do! Consider skydiving, for example. Just the thought of jumping out of an airplane can elicit a panic attack in some people. But let’s just say that one day you wake up on an airplane after being drugged by a super villain and your only escape is out the open door and you happen to have a parachute attached on your back… suddenly skydiving becomes an opportunity, and you might just do it! Consider every opportunity that comes your way, and when it seems right, jump! Get out of your comfort zone and you will grow
  7. Do as others have done before you. Look at other people who are already doing exactly what you want to do and model them. Filter the advice you take. Soak up advice from people who have done it before, and be wary of advice given by others who have not.
  8. ASK for what you want. Have complete faith that the Universe will bring you what you have asked for. Meditate on what you want for 5 minutes every morning. See it, do it!

One of my favorite rock band quotes is from a Trooper song; “If you don’t like what you got, why don’t you change it? If your world is all screwed up, rearrange it!”

You are in control of where you are today, and where you will be tomorrow, so take the reins and make a change right now!  I cannot wait to hear about your success, so keep in touch!

Tina O’Connor, BsC Psych.

www.bethatgirlnow.com

twitter.com/BeThatBooks

facebook.com/BeThatGirl.SimpleStepsToHappiness

 

An easy, effective assignment.

Grab a garbage bag and take a walk through your home. Open up closets, look under the beds, and inside drawers. Pick 5 things that you no longer need or want, or that just no longer have a spot in your life anymore.
 
Choose things like shoes you no longer wear, old jackets, boardgames, old make up or hair products, books, toys or something out of your kitchen. It may be your favorite jeans… the ones that you can’t even wear out of the house anymore because they are so worn out.
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As you put things into your garbage bag, let go of any feelings you have associated with those items. Say “thanks for being there for me, but I need to move on”.
 
Be sure to find at least 5 items, and feel free to get rid of more (but don’t spend all day on this).
 
This task should take less than 10 minutes, if you walk fast and make quick decisions. It’s only 5 things. No excuses. Just go do it now.
 
Look through the garbage bag and decide what you are going to do with your 5 items. If the item is garbage (not reusable), put it there now. Decide if you want to donate, or sell, the remaining items that are still usable. Put the items you intend to donate into your car so you can drop them off on your next outing. If you plan to sell some items, decide how you are going to do that and then do it. Take pictures of your items and upload them to Kijijji, or decide on a date for your next garage sale. If you think trying to sell the items will be a hassle, just donate. You will be making someone’s life better. By doing this exercise, you will also be making your own life better. Reducing the amount of stuff you have in your life can increase your efficiency and reduce your stress. Namaste.

Don’t chase money.

Look deep inside yourself and figure out what you love to do. Then find ways to do more of what you love. Make career choices based on your passion, and do not worry about the money. If you chase your passion, all the money you need will follow… and you will feel amazing. Often we choose to do things because of the resulting monetary rewards, not because we enjoy the activity. Remember that there is more to life than money, and you will be able to create more of everything you want if you are excited about what you are doing with your time. Joy, and money, can be found in loving what you do.

You have full control, and you can be doing what you love today! Trust the Universe. And trust in your own abilities. You’ve got skills to pay the bills, but it’s your passion that will make you millions. Namaste.

Make Decisions.

In order to make things happen in your life, you must be able to make decisions. You must take on the responsibility, gather the relevant information, listen to your own intuition, and then make a decision. 
 
Making a decision holds you responsible for the outcome, which can be scary. Remember that fear feels the same as excitement in your belly, so embrace that feeling, and do not allow it to hold you back. Accept the responsibility and get excited about the potential results.
 
You can find any information you need to help you make informed choices, but you must be looking for it. Do your research and then compile the results.
 
Combine the information you have gathered with your own incredible instincts to help you make the right decisions at the right times.
 
You are presented with opportunities and choices daily, and decisions will need to be made or you will not see progress.   Successful people make decisions consistently, and they learn from each outcome how to make better decisions in the future.
 
Take control and do not be afraid. Start making life changing decisions today!  Namaste.

Be Prepared for Monday.

What causes stress? Anxieties about time management. How will you get it all done? Alleviate stress and be more prepared, calm and excited about your week by doing a few simple things each day. Here are some simple tips to help you get more efficient, and feel more prepared, quick.

  • If you have not done so already, you need to keep an agenda or binder that accurately shows your time. I was taught by one of my coaches to use an agenda with one day on each page, and to use my own hand to write in it (versus typing everything into a computer). Writing with your own hand is very powerful. You can print daily calendar sheets from Outlook and keep them in a binder if you are anxious to get started right now.
  • Write down everything that you need to do each day in the appropriate time slots, and then include the stuff you want to do (there is a difference). Need: get groceries. Want: go to yoga class. Although I could see myself arguing for need on the yoga class…
  • Use the notes section to write down all of the projects that you are working on, or tasks that need completing. Things like “book dentist appt” or “finish writing article for yoga journal” or “look up easy easter crafts to keep my kids busy, and me sane, while they are on Easter break”.
  • Cross off tasks as you complete them, or put check marks beside them. Do what feels right for you. If you do not complete a task on the day you had it written on, just keep moving it forward to future days. Eventually you will do it. When things come up suddenly, you will need to assess how to prioritize it based on everything else you have going on. Only make changes to your existing schedule if what comes up is an absolute emergency, or is something of extreme importance to you. You may be able to tackle it the next day, so do your best to stay focused on your original plan. But be sure to write everything down as it comes up so you never forget a thing.
  • Look at your week and see where the tasks you need to complete might best fit in. If you drop your kids off right by a registry office, perhaps you can squeeze in your vehicle registration renewal when you drop them off, then get groceries, pick up your mail, and get the coffee that you earned. Work smart, not hard. There is always time to do what you need to do, but you need to plan for it.
  •  Every day, at the end of the day, review your day, and then look at the next day. Create a plan in your mind of what you would like to get done based on the time you have, and then write that down. Seeing your next day all laid out for you can really ease the anxieties of a busy lifestyle. It is easy to feel overwhelmed with everything you need to do, but when you see it all written down, you will know that it is achievable.
  • On Sundays, review your week, and plan everything accordingly. You will sleep much better on Sunday night knowing that you have a plan that is scheduled to suit your needs.

Allow for some flexibility in your schedule, but if you want to take on the world, you have got to be accountable to yourself and your schedule. Plan it, then do it! You have full control over your time, and your stress.

Happy Monday!

Get Efficient.

Do what you are good at, and what you enjoy, and ask for help with all the other stuff. Experience true efficiency.

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate Kelly Domonceaux! She won my door prize draw for a Complimentary Hair Cut and 3 bottles of eufora organic hair care products. Now this is not just any haircut.  It is compliments of  my own personal hairdresser, Marissa Sullivan, at Suburbian Hair. Located in Hanson Ranch in NW Calgary, Marissa offers boutique styling and specializes in personalized service. For those of you who are not as lucky as Kelly, feel free to call Marissa at 403-731-1233 to make an appointment.

I always have FREE stuff to give away at my signings, so make sure you come out and see me.

Happy Hump Day!

Motivate Yourself.

Taking action and adding effort in your life is how you will physically see results. Taking action and effort requires time, and this time must be found in amongst the rest of your busy lifestyle. In order to make time to put forth extra effort, you may need to give up something else in your life. The only way that you will do this consistently is if you are motivated to get the results that you want.

You have to change your thinking about how your time is spent. Focus on what you want. Visualize getting the result you want. See yourself having the result NOW. How does it feel to get what you want? Write down the result you want in your journal, or on a piece of paper, along with the feelings you have surrounding your results (dreams).

This exercise is self motivation. You know what you want. You can see it and feel it and now that you have written it down, it is real. You have given your subconscious something to work on and focus on. There are always trade offs. What are you willing to do to get the results you want? You need to prioritize your time so that the focus is on your results, which requires you to be motivated. Take little steps everyday toward your dreams and results.

Do not grieve over the time you give up to put focus on achieving your dreams. Remember that you are chasing your dreams, and every step you take gets you closer to making your dreams a reality. Know that every action you take moves you forward, and then never stop taking action! Motivate yourself, change your thinking, take action, have faith, get results.  Namaste.

 

How can I deal with stress? Consider your needs.

Life can be hectic, and our own lofty goals can sometimes interfere with our feelings of happiness. Consider your happiness definition.

My 6 year old daughter Kayley reminded me tonight that “all you need to survive is food, and life and love”.

While we are frantically chasing down other things in our lives, we can forget that the simplest of things are often the most desirable and the most rewarding. Most of the time, we already have these simple things, but we are too busy to enjoy them.

Make some time to enjoy a relaxed, healthy meal with the people you love.  Truly savor the food that is nourishing your body and giving you the energy you need to live your best life.  Be grateful for the health you enjoy everyday.  And tell the people you love how much you love them.  And when they tell you how much they love you, let your heart swell with happiness. To be loved by anyone is an amazing feeling.

Be thankful for everything you already have in your life, and do not take anything for granted. Don’t forget to smile, especially if you feel like you don’t want to.  Namaste.